How do you raise a happy and strong-willed girl? How do you know if your daughter is strong willed? There are several characteristics and behaviours that will determine whether your daughter is strong willed such as being assertive, having a “can-do” attitude, emotional, and attention demanding. Strong-willed girls tend to grow up feeling confident and secure in themselves. They take action and make their own choices about their lives. They also help other people while thinking critically about the world around them.
However, strong-willed girls, like every other girl, can be overcome by feelings of insecurity and self-doubt. Societal expectations may obscure the development your daughter leading to real pressures like anxiety and depression. So, how do you as a parent create a balance between security, appropriate support, and independence to mature a confident and empowered daughter? A few of these tips should help:
Encourage your daughter to follow her passions
As a parent, the most difficult job you will have in knowing your child and what they like. They can have a great passion for music and just when you have signed up for classes and bought an instrument, they change their mind and say they want to join the dance class.
Spend time with your child and tap into what ignites them.
Ask them open-ended questions about their interests as very few people are born knowing what they excel in. Therefore, it is important to allow your daughter to explore and experience various things before they settle on something. Expose them to various opportunities e.g. outdoor experiences, sports events as these can be very enlightening.
Let her have her voice in making decisions
Encourage your daughter to make her own certain choices about her life. Allow her to choose her own like and dislikes, decorate her own space, create her own wardrobe style, and decide what extracurricular activities she wants to participate in. Allow her to face her fears and create her own achievements. Give her plenty opportunities to explain her reasons for choices. Teach her the importance of allocating time for family amidst her personal life and hobbies. Knowing what your daughter cares about will come from exposing her to experiences and whatever she stays committed to pursuing will be among her interests.
Encourage her to solve issues on her own rather than fixing for her
Every parent wants their daughter to develop the coping skills that will enable them to handle situations on her own. One good approach is asking her to choose three strategies that she can use to deal with a certain situation. Let her tell you the possible outcomes of the strategies allowing her to compare and contrast the consequences of her actions.
If the outcomes are not favourable, encourage her to choose strategies that will solve the issue at hand. Once she has decided on a reasonable approach, let her decide what she ultimately wants to do. Even if you disagree with her choices, give your daughter a sense of control, and teach her that she will be fully responsible for her decisions.
Allow her to disagree with you
Raising a powerful girl means that you are living with one. Let’s all admit, no one wants to be exactly like their mother. Mothers and daughters can start disagreeing pretty early when she demands to wear the same princess dress or carry her beloved doll everywhere and every day. When she wants to eat candy and snacks all day instead of dinner. Or when she wants to wear the infamous short shorts when she goes out with her friends. Whether we like it or not, mother and daughter disagreements help shape your daughter development and sense or what right or wrong. She must be able to stand up to you, question some of your decisions, and demand to be heard. This is how she will learn to do the same with her peers.
As a mother, you must guide her about staying clear in her dispute while remaining respectful. Help her to control her emotions, specifically her anger and discover the correct time and place for to express her disagreement. Support her to not give up her conviction to maintain false harmony. This will help her to make well-thought-out choices about how she expresses her feelings to her peers.
Focus on Perseverance
Imagine what society we would be living in if everyone just threw in the towel every time something was too hard, or they failed. We do not all succeed in everything that we execute. We are bound to fail in some endeavours and succeed in others. Encouraging the child to keep trying is a major part of cultivating self-confidence. That is why you are your daughter’s biggest cheerleader. However, remember not to go overboard because you may leave them ill-equipped to handle criticism.
Instead of telling your child that everything they do is good and wonderful, praise the effort and time they put into whatever they do. They will gradually learn how to equate achievement with hard work.
Push them out of their comfort zone
Daughters often tend to create a comfort zone consisting of only the things they like and the activates they are good at. This is where they naturally feel comfortable, yet comfort zones can create a fear or barrier for change. As parent we must encourage our daughter to push out of their comfort zone from time to time. Encourage your daughter to try activities that are outside their comfort zone as this will allow them to explore new experiences.
As scared as she would be, stepping out of the comfort zone will teach your daughter how to tackle new challenges that come their way. As they continue to explore, they may gain new interests and even uncover talents that no one even knew about.Create regular time to listen to your daughter
Create regular time to listen to your daughter
Have weekly mother-daughter dates during which you listen to your daughter. The key word is listening. By having regular and consistent times when she knows that you are available, your daughter will ultimately let you into her inner world.
Let her know that she can discuss her ideas with you to get another opinion without you trying to solve her problems for her. Help her formulate the answers to her own questions which she will eventually proceed with. Learn to listen to your daughter more than you speak because it will help her think about what she is saying and also reflect more.
Enjoy your daughter
Having and raising a powerful daughter is exciting and energizing. To keep the bond growing, find activities that you both enjoy and do them regularly. You can cook, have breakfast together, or go shopping. The idea is to keep the connection so that even as your daughter grows older and times get tough, the bond that you share will help you find a common ground. Raising a powerful and strong-willed daughter requires you to choose your words and actions carefully. Often children look up to their parents and mirror what they see their parents do.
By: Teresa Nderi
Reviewed By: Tiffany